If I Could Choose to Never be Depressed I Would!   Leave a comment

depression-ADBy Angela Hill Dickson

If I could choose never to be depressed…I would choose happiness…it is not like flipping a dang switch!

I just want there to be more tolerance and for people to maybe get a bit more educated on mental health issues, rather than just assume and make stupid comments that do not help!

I say: Feel your feelings and let me feel mine. And if you cannot be helpful, get out of the way…I am in a “process” here!!

There is no other option than to support each other, because if we do not there is nothing.

Support = Love and. Love= Support!!!

Each person who has a mental health issue is responsible to do their part in taking care of themselves and helping themselves. BUT they need a strong support system, plenty of rest, to take meds if they are on them, and to be eating and healthy.

The things that can make a person shut down fast: not feeling supported, feeling blamed for situations that are out of their hands, having people resent them for their mental health issues, and more. Life is hard for everyone…life gets complicated, marriages suffer, kids suffer.

People might think: WHY feel so depressed? You have so much! You have kids, a husband, friends, clothes on your back, vehicles, food, etc. Yes, I have all of that and I am VERY thankful for the blessings I have, but I cannot change the chemical imbalance in my brain, I cannot control the rapid cycling of thoughts and emotions, the bad thoughts just come, the feeling of hopelessness that can just drop out of no where, the irrational fears, the pain. If I could control all of that, I would be different! I apologize to my kids all the time that I am sad. Kaleb (12-year-old son) looked me right in the eye yesterday and said: “It is not your fault, Mom…I know if you could choose to be happy, you would be. When you are happy, you are wonderful!” And he hugged me and I cried. He has more compassion and understanding than most adults. And that makes me sad, too. That he has had to grow up processing everything and having to be so mature and adult in this. It hurts my heart that my kids see me sad. I try very hard EVERY day to be positive, to find the things to be hopeful for and to be thankful for my blessings. Some days are harder and I reach out. Some days are worse and I just want to hide. but EVERY DAY I am still fighting….
I am not lazy or stupid or mean. I am suffering with a chemical imbalance in my brain. I am a work in progress. I am hopeful for the future. I am ME and I accept that. And all I want to do is be accepted….just as anyone else does. And that, my friends, is ALL I can do.

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